That's Life Baby

That's life baby. So you want to change? So you want a different life? Well, it's going to work. It's going to be work. It's going to be great. It's going to be challenging. It's going to take guts.

You're going to have to believe. Believe in yourself, believe in others, believe in change.

How are you going to do it? How are you going to get there? I don't know. But I'm here to tell you my story. Everybody has a story. Everybody has things that happen to them along the road we call life and lessons you learn along the way.

I'm a writer. I'm writing four books this year. At least that's the plan right now. I've been separated from my husband for two and a half months. That sucks to say, but it's true. I'm a stand up comedian without any experience. I do improv, but I have no troop. I do Mixed Martial Arts, but I have no drive to continue right now. I'm starting a nutrition line, but I'm so exhausted, I don't know how it's ever going to come together. I have a personal training certification, but no clients. I have three kids. I often think I'm still a kid myself, but I'm not. I'm an adult with choices, choices to make every day with endless outcomes. I could invest my time into any one of these items and have great results. But, what do I want to do? Who do I want to become? How am I going to get there?

These are the questions we must answer in order to see life beautiful. Who am I? Why am I here? What do I want out of life? The sooner you can answer these questions, or at least think you know the answer, the sooner you will become who you are going to be.

I took a run today at our local lake. The water levels have dropped, so I could run through the rock beds down to the water's edge. I ran as fast as I could, not caring if I lost my footing. Could I have sprang my ankle? Sure. But that could happen any old time. I did that once on the basketball court in a four on four game at my old gym by just stepping to the side, and boop, it rolled. That took me out of playing b-ball for four weeks. That really sucked. But on this day, I didn't roll my ankle and my legs carried me swiftly, my feet ran through the sticky mud, leaving most of it behind in my tracks, I noticed the pebbly mud on the rim of my shoes. I tracked it on the white entry rug when I got home. Nothing white stays clean for long. It's in need of constant washing.

But the point of all this was my adventure. I ventured to the water. I hoped down the three foot slope and peered into a small cavern. I turned to the water. I pressed the water down, swooshing the icy flow, touching the rocks. I picked up a white rock with two lines etched into it. It reminded me of my own heart, etched, singed, seered. I flipped out my cell phone, 9:37am, time to get home. I needed to pick up a donut and be home by 10:00am. Donuts...yum. I carried the rock up the slope. It was cold, freezing my hand in the winter wind. I tossed it away. I ran up the slope. I was angry. I was alone. I was reminded that God was with me, but yet not with me. I couldn't see him. I couldn't touch him. But he was there. That pissed me off. I ran along the grassy ledge, a trail where the waters used to reach. I could run, but I couldn't run from God. Not that I was trying to run from him, at the moment, but when I did, the next time, because there is always a next time, He would be there, no matter what danger I was facing, brought on by myself or someone else. How can I clean my own heart? I can't. God I hate sappy messages, but I'm going to give one anyway. But, I'm going to remind myself that I can't run from God's grace and mercy and love and discipline and kindness and goodness. I can only try.

So, God. Here's my blog. Do with me what you will, but know I'll be fighting all the way. I pray I'm fighting for you.